‘Anger is a valid emotion. It’s only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don’t want to do.’
In the last few years, the people around me would agree that I have become a more relaxed person and a lot less prone to anger (meditation might have something to do with it).
But everyone has had arguments in anger. Well unless you’ve been a monk from birth, emotionless or lived in a cave most of your life.
If you are any of the above I would be surprised that you’re reading this blog anyway. I’ve had them with friends, parents, strangers, children ; you name it I’ve gotten hot-headed and an argument has ensued.
What I’ve realised time and time again is that arguments in anger are never worth it.
Your ego gets involved. You want to get one over that person so you fire away. Trying to make them feel awful, exaggerating things, being abusive, things might even get physical. Your ego’s like yeah! Your winning, unload it all.
Then the argument finishes and the ego has nothing to cling to. You calm down and your rational self befriends you again. You realise you were actually losing.
Another emotion then comes into play – regret.
You regret what has happened, you want to take back what was said. But now damage that could have been avoided has been done.
Now you might spend weeks not talking to that other person, some relationships may even be shattered for good. And usually the problem was never as big as we thought it was. Bottom line – It’s never worth it.
My best advice when you get angry and unconscious behaviour takes over. Is to pause. Seriously take a pause, breath, sigh, walk away from the situation and deal with it when your rational self comes back. Basically just do something instead of verbalising your thoughts in that moment.
Think about a similar situation before, how anger never helped anything and how much more of a mess it caused. Remember your in control. This is a tool that I’ve been implementing and it really works.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself why you’re angry in the first place. For to know something is the root of solving it otherwise it may just rise up again another time.
Are you really angry because of this or is something else the trigger. Is something weighing down on your mind causing you to be easily angered? Are their things in your relationships that u haven’t confronted and is now hurting your present? Have you repressed it? Have you not honoured how you felt and just brushed it away?
Show your anger compassion, ask yourself why and then understand it. Your feelings really do matter.
Then go and try to find the best solution even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
This simply could be releasing that energy somewhere else like through exercise or writing your feelings in a journal.
If you don’t it will come out as passive anger and no one likes that. It’s okay to be angry, just realise that what you do with it is what’s important.
Once you’ve dealt with it properly you can be your usual jolly self again :D.