I’ve had moments where I felt this powerlessness and lack of drive in my life. I think many men can relate to this and maybe they couldn’t pinpoint why. Looking back I put it towards me not honouring my masculine essence.
When you’re out of touch with it; you’re unsure of yourself, anxious, less confident, jealous and easily angered by other people even though you may bottle it up.
We have the nurture the side that is guided by our innate desire to grow, go after what we want, connect with others and experience new things without needing any approval.
Modern society has made masculinity to be out as a problem and this has led to nice guy syndrome, intimacy issues and depression. Seeing truly embodied masculinity has become akin to finding a unicorn.
However, we can commit to practices that will allow us to quickly reclaim our masculine essence which you’ll find out about in the next section.
The way you carry yourself reflects your attitude; remember most communication is unspoken.
Did you know that standing in a superman position with your hands on your hips for 2 minutes increases testosterone by 20 percent.
So stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chest exposed. Walk with purpose, wear clothes that fit you and look at people directly in their eyes.
It sends unconscious signals that your confident, calm and secure which will have you acting differently then if you are closed and small.
2. Be Assertive and Stick up for Yourself
This isn’t about being aggressive and confrontational. You need to know that your opinions and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Do you feel like your boundaries are regularly overstepped or you’re not being respected?
This is about honouring yourself and speaking up when you feel like something is off instead of bottling everything up in order to keep the peace. Practice doing this even if you know it’ll feel uncomfortable. It will be so worth it in the long run.
3. Find a Mentor
Find a man that embodies the qualities that you admire and get close to him. They may be in your close inner circle already or in your family. If they’re not, however, the internet has made it much easier to find these men.
For me, I think of Dwayne Johnson, Elliot Hulse, Mooji. There are more retreats or workshops that you can attend and through those, you can meet peers on a similar journey to you.
The aim is to learn from them and eventually express your own form of the powerful masculine.
4. Stop Masturbating
This will allow the sexual masculine energy inside you to build up and transmute into more fulfilling areas of your life.
The issues with this are you hooking up your brain to seeking instant gratification and depleting the life force inside you.
The results can be profound from more drive, testosterone, assertiveness, needing less sleep and becoming more creative.
One of the most masculine things you can ever do is to be still. Practice meditation where you don’t move and are completely grounded in your space. This is especially important if you’re someone that is always fidgeting.
6. Spend time With Other Men
This is so important in cultivating our masculine energy. There’s something amazing that happens and your own essence gets rejuvenated. I went to Elliot Hulse’s grounding camp this year with about 150 other men and it was such a fulfilling experience for this reason. I highly recommend every man go to on an all men’s retreat at least once a year.
7. Tap Into Your Inner Warrior
Work on your strength at the gym or go to a martial arts/boxing class.
This is one of the easiest ways to have masculine energy flowing through you and at the same time have you feeling more comfortable in your environment. It will also raise your testosterone, release stress, give you an endorphin rush and make you better in bed ;).
This will affect every area of your life; bringing more certainty into your environment and relationships. It’s an indicator of competency, clarity and courage and builds confidence. So practice leading whenever you can so it becomes a natural part of who you are. Check this article out if you want to go deeper on this.
9. Take Radical Responsibility
You must own your life, your actions, your happiness, your mind. Don’t allow victimhood to come into your consciousness as that makes you feel powerless. This level of accountability is the only way you become the man you want to be.
10. Giver / Initiator
Masculinity is the initiator and giver in all areas of life including sexually. A powerful man is generous because he is so secure in himself and has so much to give.
You must move forward towards your goals, facing your fears allowing for mistakes. Being passive and lazy will kill that energy inside you.
If you’re always worrying, sceptical or warning people against doing things and going forward you are suppressing your masculine core.
You should be encouraging them towards their fears and letting them learn from there own mistakes instead of trying to ‘rescue’ them every time.
This is one of the most powerful manifestations of masculine love.
12. Explore Your Relationship with Your Father
A lot of men have resistance to their fathers and this means you have resistance to the same masculine essence inside of you. This may have meant you embodied more feminine traits because you didn’t have a good relationship with the masculine at home. I can certainly relate to this myself.
Healing your relationship with your father will be huge in bringing that masculine energy back into harmony. This may sound difficult but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to reconnect with him.
It could come in the form of journaling, exploring what a great father would look like to you, forgiving him for all his shortcoming and also appreciating what he did teach you.
Create your own definition of masculinity and shed any damaging ideas you got from him.